A Beloved Mother-In-Law

A mother-in-law is a powerful person. She (hopefully) is not the one calling the shots in a marriage, but it is within her power to bless it or to burden it. She can bless it by being supportive, loving, discrete, and wise. She can also burden it by being a source of contention between husband and wife.
“You hate my mother!”
“Only because she’s detestable!”
The above exchange never took place in my home. My mother-in-law was a jewel, a rarity in the species. The biblical book of Proverbs says of a godly woman, “her children rise up and bless her.” I think her children-in-law rise up to bless her as well!
I remember Jan sitting with me and teaching me to sew on her old sewing machine. In one whirlwind weekend session she taught me how to read a pattern, to mark it, to cut it, to piece and pin and sew, to stay-stitch and insert zippers. I was a newly-wed. It was only my third time to see her. I was a bit nervous, but Jan was very talented at putting people at ease, even brand-new daughters-in-law. Neither of us realized that weekend that another lesson was taking place – a course in how to be a mother-in-law. Jan may have been picking it up on the fly, but over the years she taught me by example how to be a good mother-in-law.
Only weeks into our marriage, Nate and I had a disagreement over ground beef. I had a five pound package of it that I believed was spoiled. I was going to throw it out, but the frugal Scottish part of Nate’s being was appalled. We argued. Since it was our first argument, my emotions were running high – way too high. It wasn’t about the meat for me, it was about how Nate saw me. Did he think I was wasteful or unintelligent? Incapable of managing a home? Unknowing of my thoughts, Nate committed one of the biggest no-no’s a husband can do in a fight. He called his mom. A rookie mistake!
He described the meat to his mom and asked her opinion. As he talked, Jan gathered that we had different opinions, and Nate was hoping for her to settle it. She asked to talk to me. I went to the phone with a faint heart. Was this going to be a pattern in my life now? Would Nate call his mom every time we disagreed? Would the two of them always be a team against me? I will never forget what Jan said to me, and the sweet tones she said it in. “I’m sure you know best, dear.” With that she both graciously bowed out of the situation, and cemented my affection for her. She later told Nate he wasn’t to call her in such situations, but we needed to work it out ourselves. It was a lesson we both took to heart. Now, no matter what silly disagreements we have, we are a team. Even if it’s the two of us against the world!
Jan took that occasion to be a blessing to me personally, and to us as a couple. She could have, if she was a bad mother-in-law, sowed seeds of further discord. She could have taken a trivial disagreement and made it into a traumatic incident. She could have berated me or have spoken of me to Nate in a disparaging way. She could have swam right in and taken charge, barking orders like a marine. Any of those would have had a negative impact on my relationship with Nate, and with my relationship with Jan, which would then have further negative impact on my relationship with Nate! She was very wise. Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
It’s a silly little thing to make a big deal over– a blob of greenish ground beef in a tiny apartment sink. But think of the damage that would have occurred if Jan had been of the bad variety of mother-in-law who immediately sided with her son over the interloper who married her darling. No doubt (since I wasn’t any wiser or more mature than Nate) I’d have called my mom (probably crying) to even up the sides. And that, my friends, would have resulted in a war of attrition, with me and my mom against him and his mom, lasting for years. Such a situation would have seriously impaired Nate and me from “leaving and cleaving.” I can’t say if Jan knew all this at the moment, but her simple affirmation meant the world to me.
I lost this precious mother-in-law on July 18, 2010. It was a deep loss for our family. Since then, Nate and I have busied ourselves with raising her legacy. Suzy will surely carry Jan into the next generation. She has her big luminous eyes, and like her grandmother she is quick to tears and laughter - the result of a tender heart, close to the surface. They lack a shell, both of shyness and cynicism. We are diligent to tell Suzy stories of Jan, to show her pictures, to talk about her memories of her Mimi. We've noticed Suzy has a much better memory than we supposed. It's so sweet when she shares a memory of her Mimi, and so sad when her grief wells up.
Jan blessed Suzy for four and a half years. Many of these blessings Suzy is aware of right now. She remembers well how Mimi showered her with love and joy, how Mimi delighted to see her, and the many giddy phone conversations they shared (though I know Jan didn't always understand what baby Suzy was talking about, she never let on.) Jan blessed Suzy in many of the characteristics she has passed on to her - her joie de vivre, her intelligence, her affinity for books, her sociability, her compassionate nature.
One blessing Suzy is too young to appreciate now, but will value in it's time, is that Mimi modeled how to be a godly mother-in-law to me. Her lessons have not been forgotten. I hope to put this knowledge into use one day when a newly-wed Suzannah calls me after (or during!) her first marital argument. Jan, I rise and call you blessed!

Air-head Moments...

Today I was at Butterflies and Bumblebees, a children's boutique in Selmer. Most of the clothes were wildly out of my price range, but as I was leaving, a small sign that said "$5" caught my eye. It was attatched to a small rack of clothes. The clerk told me that the price was actually three dollars, as they had been displayed on an outdoor rack, and were a little dusty. Woo-hoo! I started going through the clothes, looking for Suzy's size. Most of the things I found were tops that faded from a dark color at the bottom to a lighter color at the top. Not exactly my style, but for $3, I was willing to comprimise.
For a grand total $13.11, I left with over $200 worth of designer clothes - 3 tops and a skirt.
I was feeling super proud of myself. In the car, I took them out of the bag to show my haul to Suzy. That was when I noticed the fading seemed to be uniformly along the shoulders and sides, even on tops by different designers. They were sun-bleached! I could just picture the clothes hanging there forlornly, days on end. Because, who, really, with a brain, is going to spend $54 on a pink size 4T tshirt? So they began to fade away...
So now, instead of my little darling prancing around in a very trendy outfit, she's prancing around in aged, sun-bleached rags. Ha ha, I guess it's all in your perception? So don't tell her, she likes them!

Growing Up

Today was momentous. Well, for me, anyway!
This morning I was in the living room, and Nate was in the guest room/office/family room. I was reading, and everything was pretty quiet but I heard a girl's voice. I couldn't quite make out any words. I thought Nate might be watching an ESPN video, but as far as I know, they have no preschool-age sportscasters. I thought maybe the neighbor's children were getting an early start on their outdoor playtime. Because surely, it couldn't be...I went down the hall and listened at Suzy's door. She was singing softly to herself and obviously playing with her doll house.
I opened the door, and there she sat, in her little long john pajamas (because she's so skinny she gets cold even in summer) merrily playing with her doll family. She smiled at me and said hello.
You're probably waiting for the momentous part. That was it. It was the first time in her entire LIFE that immediately upon waking, she did not run and search for me. We always start our day together with a snuggle. This was the first day she woke up, and didn't think, "MOMMA!"
I was more than a little sad. I lose more of my baby everyday. I'm gaining a delightful little girl, but how I miss that baby!
The up side to the whole thing was when I held my arms out, she ran into them, and we had our usual snuggle. Yesterday, I read this post at Femina, about our children's love metabolism, and (to keep with the theme) it gave me food for thought this morning. Here is my favorite quote from it:
"...just like food nourishes the body, love and attention nourishes their little souls. And fat souls are what we want."

Making It Cute

I like to improve common items, to make them a bit more me. Nate teases me about my desire to make things cute, but he likes it. I think.
Today, between laundry and dishes, I convinced myself that I really should take pictures and make a post out of it. Because I'm sure you're dying to see, right?
First up, Suzy's breakfast. Oatmeal is the homliest of all breakfast foods, so I cute it up with a heart-shaped cookie cutter and rainbow sprinkles.


Isn't this pretty fabric? You'll never guess what it's on.


That's right, I sewed a coat for my spray bottle.
Next, my kitchen gloves. Just the Mr. Clean gloves from Walmart. Sooo plain. So I added a little lace trim. It may seem silly, but I have to wear those things three times a day, so I needed to enjoy looking at them. And they coordinate with my spray bottle and apron...though I admit I am the only one who cares!



And this is my lesson plan book. It came with a sterile green plastic cover that gave me chilly memories of grade school. I warmed it up with some fabric scraps.


Here's my daily planner. It was already cute on the inside (like so many of us) but very plain on the outside.


I just added a little ribbon to the cover to make it's outside more feminine.


Here is my Bible. It has a burgundy leather cover, half chewed up the spine by a puppy fond of over-stepping her bounds. Since it was the Bible Nate gave to me on the occasion of his second proposal to me, I made it this little cover to keep it protected from any future marauders.


I wanted a little journal in which I could write Scriptures that are significant to me. I looked many places for a cute one that was inexpensive. Finally I bought one with a plain cardboard cover for $4 at Borders. Or Barnes and Noble's. Or Books-a-Million. One of those bookstores that starts with a B. I knew it would be perfect, because I had enough fabric leftover from my Bible cover to make them match. How cute!

Look how cute they look with my coordinating sermon notebook, bought at the same B. bookstore:

For practicality, a 3 ring binder was ideal for my prayer journal. The plain white one I bought was so impersonal. I fixed it up with fabric from a vintage pillowcase and a scrap of ribbon.

Put all of them together, and it becomes clear the next thing I have to work on is developing a central color scheme:
Go here more people making it cute:

Martha Speaks

Last night I cooked for company. We had ginger-glazed pork chops, cream potatoes, roasted corn, and a spinach salad with a little of everything in it. The night before? Bean burritos. As I was whisking the glaze, I realized this must be why Nate always invites people over!
Actually, we invite people over because we enjoy spending time with them, not because my husband is angling for a balanced meal. Mostly.
Anyway, when we have people over, I start preparing that morning. I spend the first half of the day cleaning. Maybe, if you come over to my house, you wouldn't notice that I dusted the towel racks. But I did. Because I love you. And because I'm crazy. But mainly it's love. Ok, that's a lie. It's crazy to dust a towel rack, and crazier to put it on a To Do list!
While I'm cleaning, Suzy's has one conversation topic. "When are my friends coming? Are my friends coming today? Is today the day my friends are coming? Are they coming after my nap? Are they coming? When are they coming? My friends, are they coming over to my house? Today? When are my friends coming? Will my friends come today? Is today the day my friends are coming over to my house after I nap but before I go night-night? Is it? Is it today?" Did that annoy you to read? Play it on a loop for 8 hours, and you'll have an insight into my mentality yesterday.
After lunch and getting Suzy down for a nap, (last words: "Are my friends coming over after my nap?") I am already tired. I get a shower and clean clothes, but no makeup. On a very good day, I have time to put on makeup. That is not today. I have to get busy making dinner, and I expect the world to just be grateful that I put on deodorant.
So I start cooking and cutting and cleaning (because it never stops) and bustling about. I have a To Do list of 21 items, and I am smoking through them, occasionally adding more as I think of it. Suzy is up now, and repeating her loop again. By 3 pm I tell her that if she asks me one more time when her friends are coming, I will run screaming into the street. I think I'm being funny. Suzy looks up, horrified, and begins to sob. "If you run away, I won't have a mommy anymooooore!" More sobs rack her tiny body, and big tears roll down her face. That, my friends, is a joke that bombed. So I scoop her up and kiss her and tell her that I will never run away or leave her. After a few minutes, she has calmed down enough to ask, "Are my friends coming over before I go night-night?" I run screaming into the street, and it goes down hill from there. Just kidding about the end. (I have to say that because my mom will think I really did.)
Nate comes home, and starts the grill. I go outside to ask him to help me shuck the corn - we've already established that I'm crazy, right? He asks me to bring him a cloth so he can clean the porch rail. This has not made it to my To Do list at all. I have things I have to do, and I have things that I want him to do that I haven't told him yet. If you could see in my head at that moment, it would just be "The corn! The corn! Just shuck the stupid corn!" I am working myself up to a good frazzle. I tell him no. He mentions it again. I go off like a bottle rocket. There was nothing good to see then. I'm thankful I took the time to slam the door first, or the neighbors would still be talking about it. When slamming the door is the highlight of your behavior, you are misbehaving!
It is so bad, that I instantly know. Sometimes you can try to justify yourself, but some times the Holy Spirit immediately convicts you. I apologize to Nate and ask his forgiveness. He forgives me, but he is hurt, and I must say he rather defiantly cleans one porch rail before shucking the corn. We now have one immaculate white porch rail; the others are still dingy yellow from pollen.
While he's taking it out on the porch rail, I get a call from an old friend. I update her on the day, leaving out my impersonation of fireworks. As she's saying bye, she adds, "Be a Mary and not a Martha!" Very rarely do you have a whole day's worth of issues summed in seven words. This was my entire problem. I was being the biblical Martha (with an unholy dash of Martha Stewart.)

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.
And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching.
But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”
But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,
but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42

I had so focused on my To Do list that I neglected to listen to Christ, in the process giving my daughter an abandonment complex and verbally abusing my husband. I repent.
When our guests arrive, I haven't set the table. I'm just starting the potatoes. I totally forget to grill hot dogs for the kids and end up microwaving them. And I don't care. We talk with our friends about the things the Lord has been teaching us through our trials. We listen and laugh and fellowship like brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm a Mary. Life's better that way.

Knick-Knacks

I have held back on what I’m about to confess for fear of offending just about every other woman in America: I hate knick-knacks. Now, I do not hate them in your house. You can have them on every available surface and I’ll never say a word. I hate them in MY house. I hate moving them, dusting them, looking at them.*
I like my decorative items to be functional as well as pretty. Vases, fine. Bowls (preferably food-safe so they can double as serving bowls), great. Candlesticks, picture frames, little boxes that hold stuff, wonderful. Porcelain shepherdess, no. Crystal unicorn, no no no. My knick-knack collection consists of three Willow Tree figures that double as book ends.
Nate, however, does not share my horror of bric-a-brac. He tries to be accommodating, but occasionally our differences come to the surface.
This week we were attempting to get our guest room a little more guest-friendly. We took down a hideous and dilapidated bookshelf. I thought that was a good thing. I forgot that up on the top of that shelf, where I could barely see them, was Nate’s stash of knick-knacks. A word here about Nate’s knick-knacks: they are random, masculine, and ugly. They make a useless porcelain shepherdess seem fetching. The day he decided to display his preserved head of a baby alligator on his desk at church, instead of the guest room, was a happy day. His collection also includes a fake pile of dog poo.
So, while I’m grocery shopping, Nate is in the guest room, busy moving books and movies, when he decides to do something with his now homeless knick-knacks.
His solution? He strew them across the dresser and tv. When I came home I found the dresser – and I already dislike that there is a tv, dvd player, playstation, and an over-sized vase of flowers on it- now sported a wooden alligator figurine, a quartz alligator figurine, a minature Florida Gator football helmet, (notice a theme?) a picture of Suzy and her cousins at Christmas (which wouldn’t be bad at all, except they were all crying) a picture of his grandparents (fine) a brass thermometer, a boomerang, a signed baseball, a very small, wooden Chinese incense ball, three flat rocks, and the crowning glory- a Russian nesting doll of Boris Yeltsein. It had the added charm of opening up to reveal all the previous Soviet leaders back to Lenin.
Needless to say, I was appalled.
When I realized that we would never come to an agreement as to the attractiveness of such a display, I pointed out that our pre-school houseguests this week would probably destroy them. So Nate put them in a drawer, to be brought out at the appropriate time. I hope that time is not when my sister comes to visit next week, or anybody else for that matter.
All this is just the lead-up to this morning while making my bed, I noticed a Willow Tree figure had been moved from it’s post as bookend, and replaced with an exact minature replica of Minis Tirith. If you don’t know what that is, it looks like this:


Isn’t it lovely?
But the tops, the absolute tops was picture frame. Yesterday Nate had taken a frame with one of our engagement pictures off of the dresser and said he was going to put in on his desk at church. Isn’t that the sweetest thing? Wouldn’t you feel all sunshine and lollipops inside if your husband did that? I was touched. Until this morning, when I saw that the engagement picture, which had previously been right next to the alarm clock (thus the first thing he’d see in the morning) had been replaced with an autographed picture of Steve Spurrier. This is Steve Spurrier:

Yes, Steve Spurrier, Heisman trophy-winning quarterback of the Florida Gators and former National Championship winning coach of the same, has now usurped my place of honor.
I hate knick-knacks.


*This is excepting Christmas decorations and decorative crosses.

Like a Kid with a New Toy

About a week after Christmas, I was standing at the sink when the thought hit, "Oh no! I have TWENTY pounds of potatoes in the pantry!"
A couple weeks before Christmas, Wal-mart had a huge sale on potatoes. $2 for 10 lbs. So I bought 20 lbs. Nate questioned the need for so many potatoes as he lugged them to the car. I assured him that I would make tons of things with them and use them all up before long.
And then Christmas came, and traveling, and I totally forgot about them. I threw open the pantry door, and there they were - twenty pounds of potatoes with sprouts and eyes staring back at me. That week we ate a lot of mashed potatoes. And potato chowder.
It seems to be a pattern for me to find things that I forgot I had, and then for joy or necessity, go a little nuts with it. Today it was a can of red spray paint. I found it under the sink, and suddenly, I could see dozens of bland things on my counters crying out to be a festive red.
It was raining, but I went out on the porch with some newspapers and tried to stay upwind. So far 7 things have been given a new red lease on life, and I have a list (of course!) of 5 or 6 more things that will be painted. As soon as I get a new can of spray paint.
I'll take pictures and post them when I finish, and post the other unpleasant life lesson I learned in the process.

Lewis Strikes Again...

"Yes, I too think there is lots to be said for being no longer young; and I do most heartily agree that it is just as well to be past the age when one expects or desires to attract the other sex. It’s natural enough in our species, as in others, that the young birds should show off their plumage — in the mating season. But the trouble in the modern world is that there’s a tendency to rush all the birds on to that age as soon as possible and then keep them there as late as possible, thus losing all the real value of the other parts of life in a senseless, pitiful attempt to prolong what, after all, is neither its wisest, its happiest, or most innocent period. I suspect merely commercial motives are behind it all: for it is at the showing-off stage that birds of both sexes have least sales-resistance!"
-C.S. Lewis, Letters to an American Lady

Baking Fail, Preschool Win

In Suzy's preschool lesson today, we were going to make Christmas cookies. Nothing elaborate, I thought. Just plain cookies, in circles and hearts, with green icing and multi-colored sprinkles. Just an easy, relaxing Christmas activity or mother and daughter. Except I totally failed, and for the first time in my life, my trusty Fanny Farmer cookbook let me down! There was nowhere near enough flour in the dough to roll it out, so I kept adding it in nervous scoops until it got thick enough. When it was time to roll it out, I had a plan. That also failed. I've read that if you roll out the dough on the cookie sheet, you can cut the cookies out directly in place and simply peel up the scrap dough. So mess-free and simple. Except, of course, that it didn't happen. Suzy and I took turns with the rolling pin to smooth the dough out into the pan. Then She got to work with her cookie cutters. I went to peel up the dough, and it just smushed and smeared. I tried lifting the cookies out with a spatula, and they too were destroyed.
By this time I was seriously frustrated. But I tried to put a positive spin on it for Suzy. "Hey, Suzy, would it be fun to squish up all this dough and pat it out onto the pizza stone?" "YEAH!" "And make one GIANT cookie that you can cover with red sugar?" "YES!" So we did that, and she had a blast. And it was not bad tasting, for all it lacked in looks.