A Beloved Mother-In-Law

A mother-in-law is a powerful person. She (hopefully) is not the one calling the shots in a marriage, but it is within her power to bless it or to burden it. She can bless it by being supportive, loving, discrete, and wise. She can also burden it by being a source of contention between husband and wife.
“You hate my mother!”
“Only because she’s detestable!”
The above exchange never took place in my home. My mother-in-law was a jewel, a rarity in the species. The biblical book of Proverbs says of a godly woman, “her children rise up and bless her.” I think her children-in-law rise up to bless her as well!
I remember Jan sitting with me and teaching me to sew on her old sewing machine. In one whirlwind weekend session she taught me how to read a pattern, to mark it, to cut it, to piece and pin and sew, to stay-stitch and insert zippers. I was a newly-wed. It was only my third time to see her. I was a bit nervous, but Jan was very talented at putting people at ease, even brand-new daughters-in-law. Neither of us realized that weekend that another lesson was taking place – a course in how to be a mother-in-law. Jan may have been picking it up on the fly, but over the years she taught me by example how to be a good mother-in-law.
Only weeks into our marriage, Nate and I had a disagreement over ground beef. I had a five pound package of it that I believed was spoiled. I was going to throw it out, but the frugal Scottish part of Nate’s being was appalled. We argued. Since it was our first argument, my emotions were running high – way too high. It wasn’t about the meat for me, it was about how Nate saw me. Did he think I was wasteful or unintelligent? Incapable of managing a home? Unknowing of my thoughts, Nate committed one of the biggest no-no’s a husband can do in a fight. He called his mom. A rookie mistake!
He described the meat to his mom and asked her opinion. As he talked, Jan gathered that we had different opinions, and Nate was hoping for her to settle it. She asked to talk to me. I went to the phone with a faint heart. Was this going to be a pattern in my life now? Would Nate call his mom every time we disagreed? Would the two of them always be a team against me? I will never forget what Jan said to me, and the sweet tones she said it in. “I’m sure you know best, dear.” With that she both graciously bowed out of the situation, and cemented my affection for her. She later told Nate he wasn’t to call her in such situations, but we needed to work it out ourselves. It was a lesson we both took to heart. Now, no matter what silly disagreements we have, we are a team. Even if it’s the two of us against the world!
Jan took that occasion to be a blessing to me personally, and to us as a couple. She could have, if she was a bad mother-in-law, sowed seeds of further discord. She could have taken a trivial disagreement and made it into a traumatic incident. She could have berated me or have spoken of me to Nate in a disparaging way. She could have swam right in and taken charge, barking orders like a marine. Any of those would have had a negative impact on my relationship with Nate, and with my relationship with Jan, which would then have further negative impact on my relationship with Nate! She was very wise. Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
It’s a silly little thing to make a big deal over– a blob of greenish ground beef in a tiny apartment sink. But think of the damage that would have occurred if Jan had been of the bad variety of mother-in-law who immediately sided with her son over the interloper who married her darling. No doubt (since I wasn’t any wiser or more mature than Nate) I’d have called my mom (probably crying) to even up the sides. And that, my friends, would have resulted in a war of attrition, with me and my mom against him and his mom, lasting for years. Such a situation would have seriously impaired Nate and me from “leaving and cleaving.” I can’t say if Jan knew all this at the moment, but her simple affirmation meant the world to me.
I lost this precious mother-in-law on July 18, 2010. It was a deep loss for our family. Since then, Nate and I have busied ourselves with raising her legacy. Suzy will surely carry Jan into the next generation. She has her big luminous eyes, and like her grandmother she is quick to tears and laughter - the result of a tender heart, close to the surface. They lack a shell, both of shyness and cynicism. We are diligent to tell Suzy stories of Jan, to show her pictures, to talk about her memories of her Mimi. We've noticed Suzy has a much better memory than we supposed. It's so sweet when she shares a memory of her Mimi, and so sad when her grief wells up.
Jan blessed Suzy for four and a half years. Many of these blessings Suzy is aware of right now. She remembers well how Mimi showered her with love and joy, how Mimi delighted to see her, and the many giddy phone conversations they shared (though I know Jan didn't always understand what baby Suzy was talking about, she never let on.) Jan blessed Suzy in many of the characteristics she has passed on to her - her joie de vivre, her intelligence, her affinity for books, her sociability, her compassionate nature.
One blessing Suzy is too young to appreciate now, but will value in it's time, is that Mimi modeled how to be a godly mother-in-law to me. Her lessons have not been forgotten. I hope to put this knowledge into use one day when a newly-wed Suzannah calls me after (or during!) her first marital argument. Jan, I rise and call you blessed!

Suzy and Avery

I transcribed a conversation my four year old had with her friend and made a movie of it. Suzy's using her advanced manipulation skills to get her way. I think it's a cute idea to take the little funny stories and cute sayings of our children that we love so much and save them by making a cartoon of it. If I ever get a faster computer, I will make more of these. Right now it takes a shameful amount of time. My poor old iBook just can't handle it!

Sweet Promises

This year I went through a difficult time that left me feeling far from God. A sweet sister in Christ pointed me to these verses in Lamentations. If anyone knows about being down, it's the prophet Jeremiah! (He's the one who wrote Lamentations.)
"The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”

The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.

It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD. "
-Lamentations 3:22-26
And then a wee bit further in the chapter:
v.32 "For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion
According to His abundant lovingkindness."

Growing Up

Today was momentous. Well, for me, anyway!
This morning I was in the living room, and Nate was in the guest room/office/family room. I was reading, and everything was pretty quiet but I heard a girl's voice. I couldn't quite make out any words. I thought Nate might be watching an ESPN video, but as far as I know, they have no preschool-age sportscasters. I thought maybe the neighbor's children were getting an early start on their outdoor playtime. Because surely, it couldn't be...I went down the hall and listened at Suzy's door. She was singing softly to herself and obviously playing with her doll house.
I opened the door, and there she sat, in her little long john pajamas (because she's so skinny she gets cold even in summer) merrily playing with her doll family. She smiled at me and said hello.
You're probably waiting for the momentous part. That was it. It was the first time in her entire LIFE that immediately upon waking, she did not run and search for me. We always start our day together with a snuggle. This was the first day she woke up, and didn't think, "MOMMA!"
I was more than a little sad. I lose more of my baby everyday. I'm gaining a delightful little girl, but how I miss that baby!
The up side to the whole thing was when I held my arms out, she ran into them, and we had our usual snuggle. Yesterday, I read this post at Femina, about our children's love metabolism, and (to keep with the theme) it gave me food for thought this morning. Here is my favorite quote from it:
"...just like food nourishes the body, love and attention nourishes their little souls. And fat souls are what we want."

Conviction and Things to Think About

Nate and I went to a conference this weekend, and I got to go to a session for Pastor's Wives. The Lord used it to show me many things about my heart and to move me to repentance in particular areas.
I won't go all into it right now, but here are some verses from the session that I need to write on index cards or embroider on a pillow or SOMETHING to have them all around the house where I can see them!

"She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." Prov. 31:12

"Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful singing." Psalm 100:2

"I will meditate on Your precepts and regard your ways. I shall delight in Your statutes; I shall ot forget your Word." Psalm 119:15-16

"But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases." Psalm 115:3

"The Lord has made everything for its own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil." Proverbs 16:4

And I read this after the conference, when I had many things on my heart. It brought more specific conviction and also soothed my soul:
Colossians 3:1-17
"Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.
For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.
Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.
For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience,
and in them you also once walked, when you were living in them.
But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.
Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices,
and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him—
a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all.
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father."

Thoughtfulness

Yesterday morning Nate went to the store to pick up a few things for me. When he came back, he had surprises for Suzy and I. For Suzy, he had a little doll - Blueberry Muffin from Strawberry Shortcake. Suzy's crazy about Strawberry Shortcake. all day long she totes around a little strawberry-shaped tin that holds her little dolls - Strawberry Shortcake, Raspberry Torte, Lemon Meringue, and Orange Blossom. If she's not doing that, she's asking to see the Strawberry Shortcake movie. The only two she didn't have were Blueberry Muffin and Plum Pudding. Those two seem to be rare - it's hard to ever find them in the store.
I thought this was such sweet gift. First, it was sweet that Nate wanted to give Suzy a surprise treat, and that he even thought to check the Strawberry Shortcake display, and then to recognize the rare find a Blueberry Muffin was, and then buying it for her. Suzy told me this morning, "I like Blueberry Muffin the best, because she comes from Daddy."
You know what my surprise was? Another can of red spray paint!

It's Love - and Vocabulary

This morning, inspired by last night's Sisters meeting (in which Kirstie talked about gluttony, the danger of being a spiritual sprinter instead of a marathoner, and the benefit of spending 20 minutes on your appearance every day) I got up waaaay earlier than usual, had some tranquil time with the Lord, a real shower, dressed properly, and did my hair and make-up.
I went to Nate and asked him if he thought my hair looked fetching.
He said, "You know what I love about you? You're the only woman I know who uses fetching in a sentence."
Isn't that sweet? Nate loves me nerdy. :oP