A Beloved Mother-In-Law

A mother-in-law is a powerful person. She (hopefully) is not the one calling the shots in a marriage, but it is within her power to bless it or to burden it. She can bless it by being supportive, loving, discrete, and wise. She can also burden it by being a source of contention between husband and wife.
“You hate my mother!”
“Only because she’s detestable!”
The above exchange never took place in my home. My mother-in-law was a jewel, a rarity in the species. The biblical book of Proverbs says of a godly woman, “her children rise up and bless her.” I think her children-in-law rise up to bless her as well!
I remember Jan sitting with me and teaching me to sew on her old sewing machine. In one whirlwind weekend session she taught me how to read a pattern, to mark it, to cut it, to piece and pin and sew, to stay-stitch and insert zippers. I was a newly-wed. It was only my third time to see her. I was a bit nervous, but Jan was very talented at putting people at ease, even brand-new daughters-in-law. Neither of us realized that weekend that another lesson was taking place – a course in how to be a mother-in-law. Jan may have been picking it up on the fly, but over the years she taught me by example how to be a good mother-in-law.
Only weeks into our marriage, Nate and I had a disagreement over ground beef. I had a five pound package of it that I believed was spoiled. I was going to throw it out, but the frugal Scottish part of Nate’s being was appalled. We argued. Since it was our first argument, my emotions were running high – way too high. It wasn’t about the meat for me, it was about how Nate saw me. Did he think I was wasteful or unintelligent? Incapable of managing a home? Unknowing of my thoughts, Nate committed one of the biggest no-no’s a husband can do in a fight. He called his mom. A rookie mistake!
He described the meat to his mom and asked her opinion. As he talked, Jan gathered that we had different opinions, and Nate was hoping for her to settle it. She asked to talk to me. I went to the phone with a faint heart. Was this going to be a pattern in my life now? Would Nate call his mom every time we disagreed? Would the two of them always be a team against me? I will never forget what Jan said to me, and the sweet tones she said it in. “I’m sure you know best, dear.” With that she both graciously bowed out of the situation, and cemented my affection for her. She later told Nate he wasn’t to call her in such situations, but we needed to work it out ourselves. It was a lesson we both took to heart. Now, no matter what silly disagreements we have, we are a team. Even if it’s the two of us against the world!
Jan took that occasion to be a blessing to me personally, and to us as a couple. She could have, if she was a bad mother-in-law, sowed seeds of further discord. She could have taken a trivial disagreement and made it into a traumatic incident. She could have berated me or have spoken of me to Nate in a disparaging way. She could have swam right in and taken charge, barking orders like a marine. Any of those would have had a negative impact on my relationship with Nate, and with my relationship with Jan, which would then have further negative impact on my relationship with Nate! She was very wise. Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
It’s a silly little thing to make a big deal over– a blob of greenish ground beef in a tiny apartment sink. But think of the damage that would have occurred if Jan had been of the bad variety of mother-in-law who immediately sided with her son over the interloper who married her darling. No doubt (since I wasn’t any wiser or more mature than Nate) I’d have called my mom (probably crying) to even up the sides. And that, my friends, would have resulted in a war of attrition, with me and my mom against him and his mom, lasting for years. Such a situation would have seriously impaired Nate and me from “leaving and cleaving.” I can’t say if Jan knew all this at the moment, but her simple affirmation meant the world to me.
I lost this precious mother-in-law on July 18, 2010. It was a deep loss for our family. Since then, Nate and I have busied ourselves with raising her legacy. Suzy will surely carry Jan into the next generation. She has her big luminous eyes, and like her grandmother she is quick to tears and laughter - the result of a tender heart, close to the surface. They lack a shell, both of shyness and cynicism. We are diligent to tell Suzy stories of Jan, to show her pictures, to talk about her memories of her Mimi. We've noticed Suzy has a much better memory than we supposed. It's so sweet when she shares a memory of her Mimi, and so sad when her grief wells up.
Jan blessed Suzy for four and a half years. Many of these blessings Suzy is aware of right now. She remembers well how Mimi showered her with love and joy, how Mimi delighted to see her, and the many giddy phone conversations they shared (though I know Jan didn't always understand what baby Suzy was talking about, she never let on.) Jan blessed Suzy in many of the characteristics she has passed on to her - her joie de vivre, her intelligence, her affinity for books, her sociability, her compassionate nature.
One blessing Suzy is too young to appreciate now, but will value in it's time, is that Mimi modeled how to be a godly mother-in-law to me. Her lessons have not been forgotten. I hope to put this knowledge into use one day when a newly-wed Suzannah calls me after (or during!) her first marital argument. Jan, I rise and call you blessed!

The Penland Academy for Young Ladies

Yesterday we received our home school curriculum. As Nate was pulling loads and loads of books out of the box, he was getting more and more excited, and I was getting less so. I began to have simultaneous feelings of happiness, self-doubt, and buyer's remorse!
I was happy because I love teaching Suzy, and I've been intentionally teaching her since she was 10 months old. I made little lesson plans, and had a checklist of developmental goals. I know, I know! But she’s my only one, so why not?
So, last year, she met all the preschool developmental goals. At that point, I had no idea what further to do with her. I had taught preschool for years, and poured all my training and experience into Suzy, and I flat-out hit a wall. I had no idea how to begin teaching reading beyond letter recognition. We decided that instead of the both Suzy and Momma languishing a whole year not knowing what to do, that we would start kindergarten early, with a complete, made-by-someone-else curriculum.
We went with Veritas Press. It’s a classical education, with a heavy emphasis on the arts and languages. We got the kindegarten-1st grade combo (so she’ll do it for two years) of their reading program, The Phonics Museum. It combines art history with reading. It seems like something we’ll like.
Also, since it’s a pretty good bet (given her parents) that she’ll be more artistically than mathematically gifted, we got “Drawing With Children”, a book to help parents teach their children the basics of drawing. I was dismayed to find that it was over an inch thick, with nearly a third being prepatory work for the teacher. This brought in the self-doubt. However, since Suzy already spends hours contentedly drawing, I think she’ll love it so much that it will be well worth it.
My one big area of doubt was the math curriculum. We bought Saxon K, even though Veritas Press recommends skipping it and doing Saxon 1 for kindergarten. But since she’s only four, we went with the K. Looking it over last night, I think about a half of it are concepts she already knows well. This brought the buyer’s remorse. I decided to just go ahead with it and skip the lessons that would be too boring. And it’s all based around a calendar workbook that starts in September. It’s October, so it makes it awkward. We may just skip to the September lessons all together.
Anyway, these are my first impressions of the curriculum. Tomorrow is my Teacher Work Day. Nate will keep Suzy, and I will haul all this stuff to the library and plan my lessons. I’m actually really looking forward to that! I am excellent at planning. Not so good on follow through, but excellent at the planning!

Growing Up

Today was momentous. Well, for me, anyway!
This morning I was in the living room, and Nate was in the guest room/office/family room. I was reading, and everything was pretty quiet but I heard a girl's voice. I couldn't quite make out any words. I thought Nate might be watching an ESPN video, but as far as I know, they have no preschool-age sportscasters. I thought maybe the neighbor's children were getting an early start on their outdoor playtime. Because surely, it couldn't be...I went down the hall and listened at Suzy's door. She was singing softly to herself and obviously playing with her doll house.
I opened the door, and there she sat, in her little long john pajamas (because she's so skinny she gets cold even in summer) merrily playing with her doll family. She smiled at me and said hello.
You're probably waiting for the momentous part. That was it. It was the first time in her entire LIFE that immediately upon waking, she did not run and search for me. We always start our day together with a snuggle. This was the first day she woke up, and didn't think, "MOMMA!"
I was more than a little sad. I lose more of my baby everyday. I'm gaining a delightful little girl, but how I miss that baby!
The up side to the whole thing was when I held my arms out, she ran into them, and we had our usual snuggle. Yesterday, I read this post at Femina, about our children's love metabolism, and (to keep with the theme) it gave me food for thought this morning. Here is my favorite quote from it:
"...just like food nourishes the body, love and attention nourishes their little souls. And fat souls are what we want."

Preschool Lesson Plan - The Ocean

This is a lesson plan I did with Suzy waaay back in September. I thought I might post one every now and then. If nothing else, I know at least Suzy's grandmothers are interested!

The Ocean

Monday- Family Day, Nate's day off (no school)

Tuesday
Bible- Bible story and catechism with Daddy in the evening

French - watching French cartoons about the ocean and beach, learning names of some ocean animals. (French is my least successful subject with her. It's embarrassing to even chronicle this in a blog. Please never ask her the name of something in French. She doesn't care. At all.)

Physical- Dancing together

Art - making a paper plate fish

Reading/Cognitive - Reading ocean books (Everyday. She especially liked Dr. Seuss's Cetation Station. Go ahead and ask her what a cetation is. She cared about that!)
-Learning ocean songs. She loved this one, to the tune of The Wheels On the Bus:
"The sharks in the ocean go chomp chomp chomp,
Chomp chomp chomp, chomp chomp chomp,
All through the sea...
The crabs in the ocean go pinch pinch pinch, ect
The octopus in the ocean goes squirt squirt squirt, ect
The sea horse in the ocean rocks back and forth, back and forth, ect
The whales in the ocean go spout spout spout...
The fish in the ocean go swish swish swish..."
(She still asks to sing it sometimes. She likes to add things now that don't belong in the ocean, to see what I come up with. The car in the ocean goes glug glug glug, the bike in the ocean doesn't go far, doesn't go far...)
Math/Activities - Fish tanagram mats (she only did this for about 2 minutes, but I should try it again now that she's older)
-Sea animal die-cuts for sorting
-Examining shells
-Sand pudding ( A cute idea. You take vanilla pudding, and then put finely crushed vanilla wafers on top, so when you give it to the child, it looks like a cup of sand. Except Suzy doesn't like vanilla wafers, crushed or not, so she didn't eat it. I'm beginning to regret choosing this lesson plan to share. But I've typed too much now to change it!)

Wednesday
Bible- Bible story and catechism with Daddy in the evening

French - watching French cartoons about the ocean and beach, learning names of some ocean animals.

Physical - Running outside.

Art - wax paper fish. (Oh great, another educational failure. This project was way to teacher-driven for a preschooler. Actually, I did the whole thing, so it was pretty worthless. She just watched me, which was not the goal. I thought Suzy could shred the crayons, but she couldn't. If you have an older child, this is what it is: you take crayon shavings and place them on a piece of wax paper. Place another piece of waxpaper on top. Put an old towel on your ironing board, and put the paper on top of that. This is experience speaking. I have melted red crayon on my ironing board cover. With your iron hot, pass it over the paper, close, but not touching. Otherwise all your colors will swirl together and make brown. When the crayons have melted, let it cool, then draw fish shapes and cut out. You could also do flowers. I won't, but you could!)
Reading/Cognitive- Coloring an illustration to Rub-aDub-Dub rhyme, reading the rhyme.
-Ocean animal memory game

Math/Activities - Sink or Float game (This was fun. During Suzy's bath, I gave her a variety of items for her to drop in to see if they sink or float. Easy and educational!
- Octopus for lunch (I made an octopus out of a hotdog. Leaving about an inch and a half uncut, you cut it lengthwise so that it has eight little legs. Then you plop it in some boiling water until the legs curl up. Put it on a plate and add two little ketchup eyes.)

Thursday
Bible- Bible story and catechism with Daddy in the evening

French - watching French cartoons about the ocean and beach, learning names of some ocean animals.

Physical- Dancing together

Art - handprint octopus (This was a cute one. I painted her hand, except for her thumb, and then she made a print on blue paper. We did this several times. After they were dry, we added eyes with a marker, but gluing on google eyes would be cute too.

Reading/Cognitive - Rainbow Fish story re-telling. (We read Rainbow Fish, and then I gave Suzy some paper and crayons. I asked her to draw something she remembered from the story. We've done this with several books and even poems. She always enjoys it)

Math/Activities- Tuna sandwiches cut into a fish shape

Friday
*Story hour at the library* (Then we spend another hour getting books in the library.)

Scented Finger Paint

We tried something new in Suzy's school time today. We're learning about the five senses, and I found an idea on a preschool website for scented finger paint.
I was excited to try it. I took a 25 cent bottle of white glue, and divided it between 3 small cups. To each cup I added a 12 cent packet of Kool-aid. I used cherry, grape, and lemonaide. The colors were awesome! So vibrant! It was really pretty, and smelled yum! I added a tiny bit of water to thin it, but if I am ever brave enouth to do it over again, I would substitute liquid soap for the water, because it STAINS! Suzy mixed all the colors of course, and her hands are now an ugly hodge-podge of the three colors.
She had an absolutely great time though, and was able to identify each scent with her eyes closed.
We also did a blind-folded taste test. She identified pickles, peanut butter, and sour cream. She didn't know what the vinegar was, but she loved it! She also tasted some baking chocolate today and learned that bitter = bad.

Thoughtfulness

Yesterday morning Nate went to the store to pick up a few things for me. When he came back, he had surprises for Suzy and I. For Suzy, he had a little doll - Blueberry Muffin from Strawberry Shortcake. Suzy's crazy about Strawberry Shortcake. all day long she totes around a little strawberry-shaped tin that holds her little dolls - Strawberry Shortcake, Raspberry Torte, Lemon Meringue, and Orange Blossom. If she's not doing that, she's asking to see the Strawberry Shortcake movie. The only two she didn't have were Blueberry Muffin and Plum Pudding. Those two seem to be rare - it's hard to ever find them in the store.
I thought this was such sweet gift. First, it was sweet that Nate wanted to give Suzy a surprise treat, and that he even thought to check the Strawberry Shortcake display, and then to recognize the rare find a Blueberry Muffin was, and then buying it for her. Suzy told me this morning, "I like Blueberry Muffin the best, because she comes from Daddy."
You know what my surprise was? Another can of red spray paint!

Your Child As God's Prophet

Last week Don Currin came to our church to teach on the Christian family. He mentioned that sometimes our children are unintentionally little prophets, bringing rebuke and conviction. I experienced that the very next day. Nate had gone grocery shopping with Suzy and I. This is always a source of tension for me. How bad is that? You think I would be happy to have a husband content to spend his day off walking the aisles of a grocery store just so he can spend time with me. But I have a sin issue - I tend to make an idol of my grocery list and budget. No changes! No going over budget! It must be MY way! Unless of course, *I* change something or decide I need to go a little bit over budget this week. Then it's just fine. But let Nate put so much as an unauthorized box of gummy fruit snacks in the buggy, and I wig out.
I've actually gotten a little better at not physically wigging out - no tears or shouts!- but obviously the issue of the heart is still there. I say obviously, because some such thing happened on this grocery trip. It may have been cheese from the deli. I don't remember. But I endured the violation of my sovereign grocery list with a grimace and then sent Nate off after an official, from-the-list grocery item. Suzy, sitting in the buggy, watched him walk away, and then looked up at me with sad, enormous eyes - "Momma, we disobey Jesus when we have attitudes." I could have cried right there by the dairy case.
Thank God for His forgiveness in Christ. Thank Him for His mercy in sending a little prophet to show me my sin!

Baking Fail, Preschool Win

In Suzy's preschool lesson today, we were going to make Christmas cookies. Nothing elaborate, I thought. Just plain cookies, in circles and hearts, with green icing and multi-colored sprinkles. Just an easy, relaxing Christmas activity or mother and daughter. Except I totally failed, and for the first time in my life, my trusty Fanny Farmer cookbook let me down! There was nowhere near enough flour in the dough to roll it out, so I kept adding it in nervous scoops until it got thick enough. When it was time to roll it out, I had a plan. That also failed. I've read that if you roll out the dough on the cookie sheet, you can cut the cookies out directly in place and simply peel up the scrap dough. So mess-free and simple. Except, of course, that it didn't happen. Suzy and I took turns with the rolling pin to smooth the dough out into the pan. Then She got to work with her cookie cutters. I went to peel up the dough, and it just smushed and smeared. I tried lifting the cookies out with a spatula, and they too were destroyed.
By this time I was seriously frustrated. But I tried to put a positive spin on it for Suzy. "Hey, Suzy, would it be fun to squish up all this dough and pat it out onto the pizza stone?" "YEAH!" "And make one GIANT cookie that you can cover with red sugar?" "YES!" So we did that, and she had a blast. And it was not bad tasting, for all it lacked in looks.

I'll Never Tell Her...

Last week, as I was folding laundry and Suzy was napping, I heard a little noise from Suzy's room. It sounded exactly like a small person trying to make as little noise as possible as she opened the cabinet on the play kitchen. Which of course it was.
I knew what was going on. Suzy had gotten out of bed and was playing. She knew she wasn't supposed to, so she was trying very hard to be quiet.
Suzy, however, didn't know that her little naughty self was making my afternoon. If Suzy actually goes to sleep, then after an hour, maybe an hour and a half, she wakes up. In her sweet, confused not-quite-awake state, she leaves her room and seeks me out immediately. However, if she ditches her nap and gets up and plays quietly, she's afraid to come out because she knows I'll put her back to bed. Since she has no watch and can't tell time anyway, she can't estimate a plausible amount of time to fake a nap. So she stays in her room, looking at books, doing puzzles, playing dolls, for up to TWO HOURS! I get to finish my work uninterrupted. When I do go get Suzy, we have time to play together. After dinner, she's usually so tired she wants to go to bed a little early.
Yes! It's a total win for me! I haven't quite wrestled with all the moral implications of delighting in my daughter's sneakiness though. Maybe the right thing to do the next time she ditches nap would be to go in after an hour and put her back in bed. That way I may get two and a half hours! Woo-hoo!